You Look Happy

Is this why we never see pictures of Jordan smiling? Because she’s only genuinely happy when she’s running like an absolute goon, with her peepers squeezed shut and cheesy beats blaring out over her stupid headphones.

Jordan was running the half-marathon at Silverstone for charity yesterday and managed to finish the race despite having an injured knee.

She wrote on Twitter: “I had amazing day with AMAZING people running for charities my knee has gone again but we all completed it ill post pic of medals later.

“Well done everyone who ran the silverstone half marathon from what I saw you were all fantasic and helped me get through to the end.”

Jordan also took the opportunity to set straight a few rumours written in yesterday’s News of the World. It was reported that she came onto Jamie Foxx at the Oscars party in LA, with her angling for a kiss and passing the actor man her number.

But Jordan wrote on Twitter: “Such a shame a nice and innocent meeting with the charming gent jamie fox is turned into something sordid!!”

She added that she was sooooo not bovvered about stories written in the People about Alex Reid sleeping with someone else. Jordan wrote: “When The People called re Alex sleeping with sum girl my response was that what Alex does is no longer my concern.”

Right, is that everything? All the rumours out of the way? Tweets done with? No more silly pictures to laugh at? Good.

More Katie Price Stuff

While Jordan’s been away with strange men  (not odd, she just doesn’t know them), Alex has been whimpering to a “girl pal” about how he feels, which apparently is like a dog. Dogs lick their own bum – just saying.

“I feel like one of those puppies brought into the house for Christmas and chucked out a few weeks later,” he told girly pally, who then told The People, like all good friends do.

“I haven’t stopped crying for a month. When I began to fear that Katie wanted to end our marriage I was absolutely devastated. I didn’t want to split up with her. I love her. I clung on to the fact that it might not end.

“I hoped it wouldn’t and did everything I could to make it work. Like I say, Katie treated me like a dog. I feel like one of those unwanted ones.' They say a dog isn’t just for Christmas, don’t they?

“She had me while it suited her, then she changed her mind. It hurts a lot.” Female friend obviously knows shorthand.

Apparently he’s also upset about not seeing Jordan’s kids too, which is understandable, but he should probably just be grateful he won’t get his tail pulled anymore.

“I wanted to go away and see if we could get things to work again but it failed,” he said of their Christmas hol in the Maldives. “It’s sad to say we hadn’t been having sex for a while. A good few months in fact.”

We can’t imagine why. Desperation is so attractive after all.

Katie Price Stuff, But Really, Who Cares?

When we left Jordan on Friday afternoon, she’d just touched down in Switzerland – where she was set to launch a new equestrian line and spending a few days in a luxury chalet to chill out and get her head together.

But what happened? Jordan arrives, drinks vodka, heads to a club, mounts a polo player on the dance floor, drinks more vodka, mounts another polo player on the dancefloor, all on camera, splashed across newspapers, scandal, accusations, Alex Reid cries a lot.

Yes, after seeing his estranged wife with her legs wrapped around another man, a secret squirrel source said Alex spent yesterday texting Jordan: “Alex feels like a total mug and has sent Kate texts to this effect. He’s been ranting over the weekend and veering between tears and anger.

“Seeing these pictures, Alex is upset that she’s moved on so quickly. They have got a long way to go before things get civil.”

And while Alex was sending texts ‘I h8 u 4eva’ to Jordan’s no doubt pink crystallized phone, she was busy trotting in the snow, showing off her new equestrian range. But, being Jordan, it wasn’t that straight forward. No. She was wearing a new, different ring on her wedding ring finger.

Whether Jordan was making a statement, trying to trick us or simply wearing a ring that only fit that finger, it has well annoyed Alex. His gobby mate said: “The fact that she’s wearing a ring on her wedding finger is rubbing salt in the wound. Alex feels she’s mocking him and their marriage.”

Meanwhile, Jordan has defended the pictures of her sexy dancing, tweeting: “Let of steam friday after weeks of tension. Need to improve my dancing! All harmless and the only man for me is junior. Family time now.”

Um, what about Harvey?

Jordan Has Now Released a Statement About a Statement

So, all week I've been waiting for the statement confirming that Jordan and Alex's marriage is as dead as her eyes. Instead, I've just received this from her PR:
"It is true Alex and Kate discussed a statement last week. Alex asked Katie not to release it as he wanted more time to discuss matters and come to terms with their situation. Katie has agreed this out of respect to Alex and because she does not want to hurt him."
What can I conclude from this?
1. Jordan wants to split up and Alex isn't so sure.
2. Alex has just received "respect" for the first time in his entire life.
3. Jordan wants recognition for not being a total bitch.
4. These are human beings, with genuine fragile emotions. Well, one of them is, anyway.
5. The whole thing is ridiculous.
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